So you live in a city...

Maybe you were born there. Maybe your human got one of those “job” things and dragged your fuzzy butt along. Either way, you now have to deal with a world of concrete and steel and glass. A world full of weird smelling places and even weirder smelling humans.

It can be a lot to take in.

Don’t worry though! As an official City Dog Expert, Block (Party) Captain, and Boston Garbage Connoisseur, I’m here to walk you through the finer points of city living survival. Follow my lead and you’ll be fine. Just please, hold all butt-sniffing until the end, thank you.

Survival Tip 1: Find a Park

Tell your human that, no, the little strip of grass between the Starbucks and the other Starbucks doesn’t count as a park. Neither do the tufts of weeds growing up through the old bottle-strewn basketball court. You need a real park to stretch your legs out, at least once in awhile. My personal favorites are state parks, but there’s most likely a smaller park within a mile or two of you. If you need help convincing your human, just pick up your favorite fetch toy and drop it in their lap while looking as pathetic as possible. Works every time.

Survival Tip 2: Get Some Shoes

I know, I know. I used to make fun of dogs I saw wearing shoes, too. I’d yell, “Hey Buddy, nice shoes, what’s your mom, a cat lady!” It always got a big laugh (mostly from me), but then I stepped on my first piece of glass. I don’t know why city people love smashing glass in the street, maybe it’s super fun (if I only had opposable thumbs!) but you gotta watch out. I cut my paw pad and had to go to the vet for stitches. These days, when I’m walking in questionable spots, I always wear my dog boots. Haters gonna hate.

Survival Tip 3: Don’t Eat the Trash

Hello everyone, my name is Bark Ruffly, and I am a garbage eater. I’ve been a garbage eater since I was too small to reach the top of the bin. I thought I would be a garbage eater all my life, but things change. It’s hard because cities are full of garbage. There’s garbage in the streets, garbage in the alleys, and even garbage in the parks. You’re going to be tempted to eat it, but trust me, you really shouldn’t. With all the garbage around, you just don’t know what people are throwing out. I was personally cured of my garbage eating addiction when I ripped into a meaty trash bag behind my apartment and got a chicken bone lodged in my bark-hole. I couldn’t harass the mailman for almost a month. It’s just not worth it.

Survival Tip 4: Bring Water

The poet 50 Cent said it best: “I’m hot on these streets.” You’ll want to bring your own water when you go out. Sure, there are puddles every block or so, but those are more chemicals and garbage than actual water. I knew a puppy who drank the street water every day and he grew into a hundred-pound snarling monster...meanest chihuahua you ever saw. Play it safe, bring your own water. You can even dog/human water bottle combo you’re feeling generous.

Survival Tip 5: Learn to Love the Leash

Back when I was a country dog, no leash ever touched this mutt. I would run free through the fields, chasing rabbits and birds and I even bit a horse once (did you know they bite back?). These days, I’ve learned to love the leash. Cities are different. There are thousands of fast moving cars and millions of slow moving people to fight through, and none of them love a dog on the loose. If they see you walking free, they’ll call the fuzz (the bad kind of fuzz) so fast your tail will spin and, trust me, you don’t want to spend a night in county. It’s hump or be humped in there. Get a leash.

In the end, your city experience will depend on your human, so make sure you have a good one. If they need a little help, just keep barking at them until they hit Kurgo.com and stock up on your city essentials. You can thank me later.